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 RALPH
NADER
JOKES
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"John Kerry raised all of that
money and bought himself an airplane, campaign plane, for $10
million. Ralph Nader, not to be outdone, is having himself shipped
across the country in a crate." —David Letterman
"John Kerry and Ralph Nader met face-to-face, it was a historic
meeting. Astronomers said today their meeting actually created what
is called a 'charisma black hole.'" —Jay Leno
"Earlier today, John Kerry had a meeting with independent candidate
Ralph Nader. Afterwards, Kerry said 'The meeting didn't go as well
as I had hoped, because my gun jammed.'" —Conan O'Brien
"You ever take a good look at Ralph Nader? Don't you think he looks
like Kerry if you left him in the dryer for couple of days?" —Jay
Leno
"Ralph Nader has called for President Bush to be impeached for
deceiving the American people about the war in Iraq. Ralph Nader
wants Bush impeached? Hey Ralph Nader got him elected in the first
place. If it wasn't for Ralph Nader we wouldn't have this problem!"
—Jay Leno
"Consumer activist Ralph Nader announced he would run for president.
When he heard about it, Dennis Kucinich was furious and said, 'He's
going to steal my voter away.'" —Conan O'Brien
"Ralph Nader announced he's running for president after a new poll
found he'd get .5% of the vote. Nader's slogan: 'Eat my dust
Kucinich.'" —Craig Kilborn
"You know your candidacy is marginal when the Green Party thinks
you're too out there." —Jon Stewart, on Ralph Nader's decision to
run for president as an independent.
"'Conservatives for Nader.' Not a large group. About the same size
as 'Retarded Death Row Texans for Bush.'" —Jon Stewart, on Nader's
claim that conservatives who are furious with Bush will back his
candidacy.
"On tomorrow's 'Meet the Press' Green Party leader Ralph Nader will
announce whether he will sit out the 2004 election or enter the race
and cause George Bush to win by three votes. I think I speak for a
lot of people when I say stay home Nerd, you're the reason we're in
this K hole to begin with." —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's
"Weekend Update"
"Ralph Nader says he is testing the water and hasn't decided on
whether he'll run for president in 2004. Actually, he doesn't really
need to run because I think the Democrats feel they can lose without
him this time." —Jay Leno
"Apparently Ralph Nader has a new slogan — 'You won't ever have to
worry about me getting laid in the Oval Office.'" —Craig Kilborn
"Ralph Nader is so serious running for president this time, he's
actually thinking about pressing his suit." —Jay Leno
"Nader says he is launching a campaign based on the Internet. Well,
that certainly worked out well for Howard Dean, didn't it?" —Jay
Leno
"A big weekend for the candidates. President Bush highlighted his
foreign policy, and then John Kerry emphasized his war record, and
then Ralph Nader bragged about an article he wrote on toasters that
explode." —Craig Kilborn
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