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 MEN
BASHING JOKES
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What does a
man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.
Do you know why bankers are good lovers?
They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the shit out of you.
Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises?
So oxygen can get into their brains
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes
Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will
ask for directions
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini
Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
Because they can understand them
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.
Why is a woman different from a PC?
A woman won't accept a 3½" floppy
Why is a man different from a PC?
You only have to tell the PC once
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.
Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites Attract.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man.
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
Why are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word they say.
Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?
Miss her.
Pity her.
How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at
night?
He controls himself.
Why don't men like to drink coffee at work?
It keeps them awake.
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son?
Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said '18-40 lbs'.
Why do men come home drunk and leave their clothes on the floor?
Because they are in them.
Why do men want to vote for a female President?
Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
What's the difference between a man and a messy room?
You can straighten up a messy room.
What's the difference between a man and an ox?
Fifteen pounds and a six-pack.
How many men would it take to mop a floor?
No one knows; they've never done it.
What is a "successful hunting trip"?
When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days
Curse
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is
driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans
out of the window and yells "PIG!!!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!!!"
They each continue on their way, and ..... as the man rounds the
next
corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ..... and
dies immediately.
If only men would listen.
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