There was a farting contest coming to town
and people came from miles around
the first fart was extremely loud
the second fart pleased the crowd
the third fart, the judges cried
"He shit his pants, he's disqualified!"



There once was a man from kanass
Who's nuts were made out of brass
in stormy weather
he'd clack them together
and lightning shot out of his ass



There once was a security guard
Who had some troubles keeping it hard
He jerked it off nightly
And squeezed it tightly
while looking at his identification card.



There once was a man from Peru
who fell asleep in a canoe
while dreaming of Venus
he played with his penis
and woke up all covered with goo



Gorgey Porgey puddin and Pie.
Jerked off in his girlfriends eye.
When her eye was good and shut,
Gorgey Fucked that one eyed slut.



I once knew a person named Burl
Whose looks would make you hurl
why do I say it?
I'm not full of shit
this thing was half boy and half girl.



There was a young gypsy girl Rose
With obsessions for gentlemens' hose
Up her pussy, her rear,
In her mouth and each ear
And her cute little freckle-tipped nose.



There was an old lady from Wheeling,
who had a funny feeling
she laid on her back,
and tickled her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling



There once was this guy named Stan
Who had some trouble being a man
He wore a dress and high heels
And drove a Chevrolet with pink wheels
And soon Stan became a tran



There once was a man from Monclair
Who screwed his wife on the stair,
The banister broke,
He quickened his stroke
And finished her off in the air.



There once was this guy named Gored
Whose girlfriend was as flat as a board
He'd suck as hard as he could
And pulled them more then he should
But soon even Gored got bored.



Mary had a little sheep,
And with this sheep
She went to sleep.
The sheep turned out
To be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb!

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