 GENDER
JOKES
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Dictionary
for women
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're
right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead
(er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over
by a policeman.
Bar-be-que
(bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped
the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned
everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde
jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand
them.
Cantaloupe
(kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes
dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet
Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to
go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity
(e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise
(ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting
to make a purchase.
Grocery
List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing,
then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair
Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style
you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware
Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he
goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth
(child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions;
he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."
Lipstick
(lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of
your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park
(park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere
and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a
swing set and slide.
Patience
(pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage
and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof
Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower,
or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's
Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight
dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to
get a card.
Translations for men
These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there,
so that you will know what we really mean when we say...
"IT'S
A GUY THING"
Translated:*
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it,
and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN
I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated:*
"Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH
HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated:*
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT
WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated:*
"I have no idea how it works."
"TAKE
A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated:*
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S
INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated:*
"Are you still talking?"
"YOU
KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated:*
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the
first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers
of every car
I've
ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."
"OH,
DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated:*
"I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before
I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY,
I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated:*
"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I
CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated:*
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely
clueless."
"WHAT
DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated:*
"What did you catch me at?"
"I'M
NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated:*
"No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE
SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated:*
"I make the messes; she cleans them up."
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